I have alot to say, but i'm not sure how much time i want to say it in. No binges and purges today. It wasn't hard, surprisingly. I realized something..something that i'm wary of putting into words becuase i'm afraid that if i put it down somewhere...that that will give me an excuse to 'fall'. To go against my word. To deny what i'e learned...er, what God has made me realize today. After slicing my stomach and left arm repeatedly with a scizzors and a kitchen knife last night, and after two binges and purges yesterday. (Not a complete sentence, i know. I forgot what i was going to write after that.)

God has so much in store for me. So much in MIND for me... So much in my future... and i'm putting it off by staying in my bulimia and in my self mutilation for so long. I'm running from myself, and i could run longer, if i chose to. But right now, i'm choosing not to. I'm facing myself. I hate myself becuase i'm a sinner...becuase i keep screwing up. But you know what? I am who CHRIST came to call. Christ came for the SICK, not for the healthy. He came for ME...to SAVE ME from this world and from the power of Satan. For the past while i have been listening to what Satan has been saying in my head... that i'm worthless, that i'm ugly and fat, that i'm not worthy to be loved and that i'll never amount to anything... that i am a mistake. I have been listening to him and living by those words he has put in my head. I am DONE WITH IT. I am finished being his pawn. My battle is not against myself and my own head...it is against SATAN...against the spiritual power of this world. This is a serious thing i'm dealing with...i'mj dealing with SIN.

And now,

Today,

I will fight.