Sorry i havne't updated in awhile...to be honest, i just havne't felt like it. Things are just going so WELL with me that i dont think i need to write about anything, cuz i usually write when i'm depressed or angry about something.

I am so happy to live...to happy to exist...so happy that i didn't kill myself months ago. I'm so happy i'm in recovery from the disease of bulimia that was killing me. I have JOY now...i laugh hysterically for no reason, i'm finding that i have a personality (that it's enjoyable!) and that i'm deserving of love and that i'm worth something! It's the most incredible feeling in the world. I have been in such a good mood lately....for no apparent reason. Iv'e been full of energy. I knwo that God has a plan for my life...if i think about it too hard though, i get scared and intimidated. Scared of the future... i'm scared of His power and what He might accomplish through me.

Last night was so fun. We just...had so much fun! Just being teenagers...everyone is so funny! Ash is leaving me though...i'm really sad about that. IT's defiantely going to be different with her gone. She's going to court today...on meth charges. They take that pretty seriously around here. I hope she stays...she means so much to me. But i know that whatever happens, my God has a plan for her life too. It's funny....becuase i'm always meeting people, but we're connected through the bond of Christ. God is so good to me. He has brought people into my life at the exact time i need them... And then we silently go our separate ways, having learned so much from each other. It's beautiful, really. The world is so big... I guess i'm just in a really contemplative mood right now, it's hard to explain whats going on in my head. Especailly in a library full of people while i have to be careful no one reads this.

I'm excited to see Mitchell again. It wont be until August of 2003... but i'm horribly excited! I know i've changed so much...and i know that he has changed so much, being in Africa for two years. I'm excited to see what God has changed in into! He's such a beautiful person...and i'm honestly not sure why i'm so in love with him. I just am. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder...and oh boy, maybe i'm just in love with him in my head...but maybe i'm not. Maybe it's real.