I am doing so good! It feels weird to be doing good...but i am. I realized how soon i will be leaving... And i really want this recovery thing. I dont wnat it for anyone else...but just for myself. I want it becuase i want it...becuase i now know that it's possible to live a full, healthy life without having to deal with the obsession of food and weight and size and how much i hate myself.

i'm wearing an ortho patch! Its jsut a sample one i got from a magazine...and it's on my hand. I think it's hilarious! I'll see how many people ask me about it today.

I'm planning on living with my sister. I'm really excited... To get out on my own... Yesterday i went grocery shopping, and i really wanted to buy candy...... I knew it would be easy for me to, too... But then i thought about who it would be for. I mean...the only person i was hurting was myself. I knew that when i left treatment, there would be no one left to call me on my stuff... That it would be me and GOd alone to fight this thing. I will have support, but my recovery will depend totally on the honesty with myself and with others. And, to be honest, (for once), i haven't been working a totally honest program here. I have slipped more times than i care to count. I have kept alot of things to myself..... I havne't even told my sponsor. But i know taht when i leave Texas... When i go to Arkansas, that i will have to be honest with other people in order ot make it. This is a program of rigerous honesty.

God is awesome. I was just basking in His grace today...in HIs beauty...in HIs wonderfulness. He loves me so much.... He sees through my acts and loves the person on the inside. I am beautiful to Him, He delights in me. That is so flattering to know that truth about myself. That the God who created me...event hough i messed up...He loves me through that. He has a plan for my life... And at this moment, i beleive it. I beleive that He has a magnificent plan in store for me...and that i can reach that, with His help. I am not going to keep my guilt and my shame from all the wrong things i've done keep me from improving my relatinoship with Him. Thats what Satan wants. He wants me to not feel 'worthy' enough for Gods love... He wants me to stop running after GOd. But yo uknow what? God is actually the one running after me. I'm trying to find fulfillment in all the wrong places...the only place i can find it is in HIm alone. He is right there besdie me...i just have to stop running and fall into His arms.