Things are better. I was in group with good ole' Cindy today. and i talked. It was so hard for me to do... To talk about my fears. I said that i was afraid of people..... and we figured out that i'm afraid of powerful people. As i grew up, i watched both of myp arents be afraid of powerful people. People who knew who they were...people who werent' afraid to be who they are. Thats why i'm so afraid of Cindy and so afraid of other authority figures...as well as some students here and all of my peers in Fessenden. Becuase, in my eyes, they are powerful. They can have an effect in/on their world... But i was taught not to. I was taught to conceal my power, to tuck it somewhere deep in my soul...to cover it up with timidity and fear. In my early high school years, though, i found Jules. I'm actually not sure why i was attracted to her (not sexually, mind you), but we became best friends. I gravitated toward her. Maybe a part of me knew that a powerful woman was what i could be...and thats what i wanted to learn to be like. So i became her. I went to the extreme. Instead of being extremely quiet and reserved, i became extremely loud and funny. The real part of me...who i honestly am...is a mixture of both those people. It is half and half of both.... a balance between reserved and outgoing. It's neither one nor the other...nor is it confined to one box. I'm all over the page.