Another bad weekend in treatment. I made it through without turnhing to my eating disorder, though, so that counts for many a something. Another Sunday morning group was centered around me. At least, thats how it felt to me. I gave my phone number to a guy from Serenity House (another treatment center) at an AA meeting... And i got in big crap for that. I dont know what happens to me when i'm centered on in a group...i just turn stupid. I can't think. I try to think...but i just can't. It's like my brain slows down. Stephanie Bell made the kind comment -" Beth, when you get into group its just like someone hit you with a dumbass stick, you just turn stupid. And i know you're not that dumb! It's like an alien comes down and just sucks your brain out!" Wow, how flattering. It surprisingly didn't hurt as much as it would have hurt ot hear that seven months ago... But it still felt anything but good. It's true though. I am stupid in therapy. I guess its just not for me.

I'm just sick of all this crap. Of them telling me i'm manipulative.... If i am, i certainly dont mean to be. I'm just doing what i know to do. I want to get better...i really do. And i'm not going to let other's opinions about how i'm doing affect my recovery. I'm going to keep doing what i'm doing. I will not seek praise from others...becuase they are too into themselves to realize what i'm doing right. I dont need them, i dont need anyone here, i just can't wait to leave! It scares me...if i relapse again before christmas. Then i'll make myself stay here. GOSH, i dont know if i can do that. If i could make it through a whole nother semester in this school that i hate... in a treatment center that is teaching me lies...