I feel like such a failure... Nothing big happened, really... bUt i just feel like i'll never be well. I will never be able to really experiece life... Gosh... I am so down on myself right now. I need someone to assure me that i can do this...instead of everyone here telling me that i can't. There still is the smallest part ofm e that wants to recover.... But i just dont know how it is possible. In all honesty, i see black in my future. I mean, how i can expect to go forward and help all those little children when i'm stil lin my disease? I hate this, becuase every single day i know i cold be doing so much more for God than i am...but i let this obsession get the best of me. I am not a victim in this anymore...i used to be a victim of my disease and of everyone's actions towards me...but nto anymore. Now i choose to take responsibility for my actions. But gosh, this is so hard. Why why why, i ask myself that so often... I am so angry.

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