I feel alot better today.... there's not so much fear controlling me anymore. I'm honestly not sure what exactly happened. I mean...how i got 'out' of all that fear. I realized that i can't expect God to take away my fear if i dont give it to Him. He wont take anything from me that i dont want Him to have...that I am not willing entriely and completely to give to Him. Last night i went outside and i just sang... It was incredible. Just being in God's presence. FEeling His gentle breeze against my skin..... Standing in complete awe of Him...His goodness and His vastness. Why He loves somethign like me...something that screws up every day; someone who's very NATURE is to screw up.... I just dont get it. He understands how weak and how lost i am...and he still loves me. In the span of time, i am merely a breath. He knows i am only dust.

What is my reply to that?

I dotn have one...except to give my will and my life over to Him.

Last night was so fun. I snuck into this 'Historical Village' with my friend Annie.. It was so much fun! The fence had these pokey things on the top of it... And they ripped through my pants when we tried to get over them. (They were abotu 7 feet tall). Ha! what a blast! We snuck in there and played on the teeter totters for awhile. Oh my gosh, it was an absolute blast. I got such a rush out of trespassing. Then....getting when we were crawling over the fence to get back out...i FELL. I fell and sprained my ankle; so now i'm a freaking gimp! ha! I can't beleive it. I'm so uncoordinated! It should heal itself, i do beleive.

I also got my first of four widsom teeth out. It, surprisingly, doesn't hurt that much. The dentist was really nice, the shot didn't hurt, and a mental guy talked to me for a straight 45 mintues in the waiting room. The receptionist apologized for their running behind schedule, but a stinking apology just won't do it! He was the funniest guy. He talked about his trip to Cancun with his MOTHER (the poor guy still lives with his parents...he has no girlfriend... I feel alot of pain about that one...), the floods around the area, a flood that happened in 1988 (I agreed with him that that was definately the worst flood in Abilene history... Ha- I was 4 years old and living in Nebraska.), his Baracuda car that cops pull over just to ask him what year it is (1966.5), hail storms, hurricanes on the coast of cuba, and a barmaid. Good gosh. No freaking wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend. I guess he could find a nice deaf girlfriend. One that wouldn't talk to him...er, coudlnt' talk toh im, and wouldn't have to listen to the agony of him talking. Woo!

Today.....is a good day. Thigns are still a little uncomfortable in the house. I always think eveyrone is mad at me. When, the truth is, i hardly exist at all to them. I do find releif in going over to teh Center and eating meals and spending time with them. They are awesome girls! I like them much better than the thouse girls.