I had, like, another one of those 'worst weekend' things.

Well, my parents came. That was awesome... I've never acutally WANTED to see them before now. Friday night we went out to TCBY and i opened presents from them... I also saw my sister! She drove 8 hours to see me for the weekend. She is awesome. I was so surprised to see her.... she told me on Wednesday that she wasn't going to be ablet o make it this weekend...but her boss let her off at the last minute. Yeah! I dont know if i would have been able to make it through the weekend without her. Friday ngiht was good.... I was with them for 2.5 hours, which was definately sufficient for me. 10 more hours on Saturday, 12 more on Sunday... And thats it! It was fun th ough...and i'm really glad i got to see them. I gave them love in the way that they receive it. They like compliments, hugs, and me saying that i love them and that i appreciate them. Their way of showing/receiving love is small talk. We did alot of small-talking. I went into the situation not expecting to receive anything from them.... So i gave them what i could. Unselfishly.

I dont feel that close to God right now.

But that doesnt' mean that i'm not.

FEelings deceive. Here they teach me that 'feelings never lie'. I dont agree with that.

I keep trying to come up with answers to the ever popular 'why' quesiton....about why my family is so screwed up. It seems like all the other families i've witnessed in treatment here have definite cycles... Patterns, and i can see why things happened the way they did. But with my family... I dont see anything. Maybe its not the time to see anything. I just dont understand what went wrong... Amber and i discussed this this weekend. She's scared of raising her family the way that my parents did....scared of making the same mistakes that they did. I'm scared of that too...in the back of my mind. (I still have quite awhile before i'm making babies....er, ready to anyway) How can i know what NOT to do...if i dont even know what my mother did wrong?

But then again...mabye i will NEVER know what went wrong. So i will follow God's path for my life and quit trying to find something that i may never find.

I wish i could write in here longer, but i have to get to class. I'll write tomorrow.