Well, hey, it's my birthday!

It really is my birthday.

And, maybe today will be a GOOD day, rather than all my other birthdays previous to this. I'm always so embarassed when people find out its my birthday... But now...i'm going to make a concious decision to CELEBRATE myself, rather than sit in self pity becuase i dont want to be here or becuase i dont want to be alive. But, acutally, today, i DO want to be alive! Usually, my birthday is the day when i realize that i was born...and what an abonishment i am to humankind and this world...etc, etc, etc.

I love my friends. Theyr'e the best! I got a few gifts.... From the people i actually TOLD it was my birthday. WOOHOO!!!

My parents will be here on Friday... i'm not all that excited, but oh well. I will give them joy...i'm not going into the situation expecting something from them... like i have been oding for the past how ever many years. They can't give me what i need, expect, or want. And thats just the truth. I'll have fun with them. And the best part...is that i dont have to be with them 24/7. I can go home to my friends.... my support group who understand what i'm going through.

Is anyone reading this? Ya'll should leave me a note...so i know who's reading this.

Yesterday...i was really depressed. My mouth really hurt (wisdom teeth) so i didn't talk much all day, i was too engrossed in my pain. Today they feel a little better.... I've been having really really really bad urges to eat lately... Just becuase i'm bored and i need something to do. Thats a big trigger for me...being BORED. I slept instead, which probably isn't any better. I slept ALOT yesterday... Today, though, will be different.

We have group today after school with Cindy... and i'm not thrilled. I am ready, though, to talk about my problems with friends here... I can make friends with people who i consider on 'lower' steps on the social ladder than i am... But people who are 'higher', i ignore. I dont even try to make relationships with them...becuase of what i've been through in the past. It's how i keep myself safe. I know that people who are 'lower' than me will accept me... Because i'm a really likeable person... I could be one of the most popular people in this school if i faced my fear of the popular people. lI dont really know if this makes sense at all.... It makes sense to me, though, and i guess thats all that counts.