Well, things are good.

No more boys. They suck! Theyr'e not worth my time. Although he does have such beautiful eyes. Someone told me i was right for not 'wasting' my time on him.... But i beleive that he's not that bad. Someone else told me that his bad reputation keeps people from really getting to know him. I just wish i knew the REAL him.... Not the one he wants me to see becuase he wants to get in bed with me. He knows how to play, that he sure does. He's dang good at it. But i refuse to be his play thing anymore. I have a mind of my own, i have a will of my own, and i will keep myself real under all circumstances.

Things with me are just ok. I'm struggling, but what else is new. I would go into detail on here....but i dont know whos reading this.

Thsi weekend is homecoming. I dont want to go with Jarred, but i'm still going with him. I'll let you all know how it goes. I think i'll...give him a piece of my mind.

I feel so much closer to God now. It was like... my obsession with finding a lover who will love me for me was between he and i. Now i feel so much more closer to Him. I can FEEL Him. And i know that i dont need to continue looking for love in the wrong places... I already have love from the only place i truely desire it.

I will find peace. Eventually. It will just take time. Recovery takes time...it doesn't come in a split second. It takes time and alot of energy.

I'm so lucky to have the great friends that i have here. I know that they are loyal to me...that they will be with me in sickness and in health, that they will forever hold their peace (unless i ask them for it) and that they support me in whatever i do, aside from dying. I've had so many people just give up on me while i've been fighting my eating disorder..... Thats the last thing i need right now. I refuse to give up on myself though. I will continue fighting.

Today-

I will fight.

Today-

I will not eat compulsively.

Today-

I will not purge.

Today-

I will nto have sex.