I b/ped tonight.

Why?

Becuase im' scared of leaving. I'm scared of the possibility of failing when i try and beat my fear. I'm scared i will fall on my butt and then find out that i really dont have a problem in the first place.

But, no matter.

I will simply rise above my circumstances, above this eating disorder thats tearing me apart. It eats me up, eats my mind and convinces me im' worthless.

I looked at my body last night in the mirror. I wore shorts and looked at my thighs. My left thigh is close to hot-i was suprised. My right thigh is huge...something must be wrong with my mirror, i dont know. Anyway, that was the first time in a long while that i looked in a mirror without crying. Woo!

I know i can do this. Really, i do. right now...bulimia is fighing hard becuase it knows that soon its going to lose.

This is where the fight really begins.

I am going to get better.

I will remember the life thats in store for me.

I will keep it in view in the back of my mind...and i will never stop striving for it.