I can't wait

To get out of here

I can't fake

Through this pain i feel

It's been too long that I've been gone

But now I'm comin' back

I'm comin' back

So long its gone

This burden that i carry

I'll give it all to You to You

I wade out

And the waves are bigger

I cant' sort through

All this junk so I'll surrender

And I've gone on way too long

Now I've had enough

I'll give it up

To You, this storm is great

But You are so much greater

I can't wait to see You standing there

So bright and special

And all the waves that crashed around my head

Fall silent at the whisper of Your voice

"All To You" by Bleach

This song totally identifies with my life right now. I just can't wait to escape... My pain seems too much to bear. My emotions are all screwed up. I will hate my parents immensely (like last night) and then a few hours later, i will be happy for absoultely no reason. It's not PMS, because this has been happening for like, the past four months? Ha!

I read my Bible last night. For the first time in quite a long while. It gives me hope. Perhaps there really is an escape from this pain...releif from the terror i'm faced with each day. I want to wade through my pain, but i'm scared that i will get stuck there... Stuck in a place where i am surrounded by all my emotional pain and unable to escape. Currently, i can escape with cutting myself and with b/ping...i'm just so scared that there wont be an end to this pain.

What am i worth? What determines my worth? Does merely the fact that i exist make me worth something?

My dad just walked in here. I told him to leave me alone, he muttered a sinere 'I love you' and walked out. I wish he would quit saying he loves me, it bothers me more than anything. ARGH!

"Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

yet i will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19

I want the joy this guy is talking about. Even when his whole world is falling apart, even when he has NOTHING, he is still joyful.